


Everybody is Watching Me

by voices_in_my_head



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 02:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13203825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voices_in_my_head/pseuds/voices_in_my_head
Summary: "1974“This is Bucky. Bucky, meet my son, Tony.”The man, Bucky, has a metal arm and Tony is immediately grabbing at it. His father tries to pull him away, apologizing to the other man but he's laughing, saying it's ok and making a joke about it running in the family that will go right through Tony's head because he's four and the only thing he cares about is that there's a man with a metal arm in front of him."AU where Howard found Bucky before he became the Winter Soldier and Tony grew up around him





	Everybody is Watching Me

**1991**

“They're dead,” Tony tells Bucky, with a glass of scotch in one hand and he doesn't like the taste of it, not really, but it makes his thoughts slow down, just a little bit, and for that he'll keep drinking and maybe one day he'll even like it.

“I know,” Bucky answers and Tony likes how he doesn't say “I'm sorry” like everyone else has.

“He shouldn't have been driving. He was over 80, for crying out loud! What the hell was he thinking?” Tony says and he doesn't blame his father, not really, but his anger needs to be directed at someone.

“I know,” Bucky answers again and for just one second Tony sees red and he gets up and goes to the balcony, knowing that if he stays he'll say something he'll regret.

Bucky doesn't follow him. Tony takes a gulp of his drink and breathes in the cold air of a normal New York morning. Normal for most, anyway. When he decides he won't start shouting horrible things at one of the few people that actually cares about him, he goes back inside.

“What am I going to do now? Obie told me he would look after the company until I felt ready, but what if I never feel ready?” He's not usually so honest, not about his insecurities. Usually he'll talk about them in the mist of so much irony and sarcasm that it will be lost, but Bucky... Bucky is special. He's his protector. His guardian angel.

He sees a look crossing Bucky's eyes when he mentions Obie and he knows the two of them never got along and even after all these years he doesn't know the reason, and usually he asks about it, but not today.

“Then you'll find something else to do. You're a genius, Tony. You can do more than built weapons.”

“You once told me you first saw my father at a Stark Expo. He was introducing a flying car. When do you think he gave up those dreams for weapons?”

“I don't know, Tony. The war... it changed us all.”

“So he thought that building weapons was the way to go? I just... call me a dreamer but I hope to one day live in a world free of weapons.”

“Maybe that is a dream, but it's not one you should give up on. It's your life, Tony. Not your father's, not Obie's, not mine, not anybody else but yours. Choose for yourself, not for others.”

Tony nods and for just one second he thinks about selling the company. No, not just selling it. Destroying it. He would lose his fortune but like Bucky said, he's a genius. He can build another company. A better one. One without so much blood.

Then he looks at the portrait of his parents hanging on the wall and he knows that he won't do it. It is his life, but it's also his legacy and he's not sure he's able to tell them apart.

**1974**

“This is Bucky. Bucky, meet my son, Tony.”

The man, Bucky, has a metal arm and Tony is immediately grabbing at it. His father tries to pull him away, apologizing to the other man but he's laughing, saying it's ok and making a joke about it running in the family that will go right through Tony's head because he's four and the only thing he cares about is that there's a man with a metal arm in front of him.

“Are you a robot?”

The man, Bucky, laughs once again, and Tony thinks that it's a sad laugh, because even though the mouth is laughing, his eyes aren't. Tony doesn't think they ever did. “No, I'm not a robot.”

“Then why do you have a metal arm?”

“Well...” Bucky looks at Tony's father and then crouches down, until he's at Tony's eyes level. “I had an accident. I lost my real arm. This one is like a substitute.”

Tony is silent for some seconds, pondering on this information.

“Did it hurt?”

Bucky hesitates a second. “Yes.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“No.”

“Good,” Tony says and grabs his metal arm once again, this time without being stopped.

**2008**

Tony wants the pain to stop. There's only one thought that makes him endure it and that is “Bucky is coming. Bucky is going to save me.”

So, he survives the pain and more than that, he makes something with it. He survives and he builds a metal man, all the while joking inside his head about how him and Bucky now match. A substitute arm and a heart.

Bucky never comes, but Tony knows he's looking for him and he wants to wait, but at the same time he remembers his father saying “there's no one you can trust but yourself, Tony” and when he sees a chance he grabs it.

Yinsen dies but it was his choice and the least Tony owed him was the acceptance of his decision.

He leaves the hellhole and the suit is destroyed, and he can feel himself going weaker but it's okay because Bucky is looking, and he already saved himself, now he only needs to be picked up.

He sees a helicopter and he laughs.

Tony knew he would come.

**1995**

“His name is James. But I call him Rhodey.”

“Does he like it?” Bucky asks with a smirk which Tony answers with one of his own.

“It's growing on him.”

Bucky laughs and Tony thinks “it finally reaches his eyes” and he has no idea where the hell that came from.

**1980**

It's his tenth birthday party and not a single guest is his age and it's not fair. It's Tony's birthday, so why isn't it his party?

His mom said it was because his father was an important man, that their family had responsibilities, and so on. Tony stopped listening when he realized what it meant. It meant he would never be just like any other boy. He was never going to have a normal birthday party and it wasn't fair.

“What's wrong, little man?”

Tony looks up and Bucky is there and he looks uncomfortable. He's wearing a suit with white gloves and Tony knows that he doesn't like it when people stare at his arm. Tony doesn't think he would like it either.

“Nothing,” he mumbles. Bucky always treats him like an adult, and he doesn't want him to know that he's upset because he didn't get a normal birthday party.

“It's the party, isn't it?” Tony looks at him, surprised, and Bucky laughs. “What? It wasn't that hard to guess.”

Tony sighs. “I just wish there were people my own age.”

“I feel you, little man. Hey, how about this? We stay for another half hour and then go to the kitchen to eat ice cream.”

Tony smiles. “Yes! It's not like anybody is going to miss me, anyway.” He didn't mean for it to sound sad, but it still does and Bucky gives him a look that clearly says that he knows exactly how that feels and if they weren't in public Tony would snuggle against him. At least he knows he wouldn't be sent away.

**2008**

“You're fucking crazy, I hope you know that.”

“Pepper has been telling me that for years. Except with less swearing.”

“Not inside her head, I'm sure.”

Tony laughs and there's a scotch in his hand and Bucky is sitting across him, hearing all about his first flight with the Iron Man suit, and he can't believe that he has a superhero nickname. He's also remembering a situation like this, almost twenty years before and there is so much he can think about that. Mostly he wonders about how his life would have changed if he had made a different decision regarding his father's company.

He drinks the scotch in one go. Doesn't matter how much he ponders about it. The past is in the past, and it may haunt you and never let go, but it's not going to change.

“I think it's really brave what you did.”

“What? Fly in a suit made of metal? I will admit that there was a moment when I was worried, but-”

“No, I meant about the company.”

“Oh. That.”

Bucky doesn't laugh and says “yes, that” because he knows that if he does Tony will change the subject.

“I should have done it years ago. I was so fucking stupid. Did I honestly think that my weapons were only going to Americans? And even if that was true, they still killed so many people. Innocent people. That blood is on my hands.”

“In war-”

“No, don't say it. Don't try to excuse it. We tell ourselves that we do it for the country, for the freedom and all that bullshit because we don't want to face the simple reality: we kill people.”

Bucky doesn't answer him and Tony pours more scotch into his glass.

“They're dead and there's nothing I can do about that. But maybe, just maybe I can do something good now.” He gives a broken smile to Bucky. “That was always my dream, wasn't it?”

**2002**

“Her name is Virginia Potts and she's a genius. Well, not like me, but she's still pretty smart. The best assistant ever, that's for sure.”

“Have you gotten her a nickname yet?”

“I call her Miss Potts but she doesn't seem to mind it.”

“I think that's because that's her actual name.”

“But it's boring. Rhodey says I shouldn't play games with her, or she'll leave and I'll be forced to find excuses to not show up to meetings by myself.”

“Rhodey's a smart man,” Bucky says and winces when Tony says “ahah”. Bucky knows that Rhodey prefers to be called James, and usually he manages it just fine but well, what can you say? Tony is a genius and getting a super soldier to call his best friend by his nickname is not that difficult.

“Rhodey is a party pooper.”

“I can't believe you just-”

“Yes, I did and I rocked it, let's face it. Anyway, I'm thinking Pepper.”

“Pepper?”

“Yes, 'cuz she's as hot as one.”

Bucky sighs. “Just don't come crying to me when she slaps you.”

“It's obvious you haven't met her. She's going to kick me in the balls.”

“Hm, maybe I should meet her. I think I'll like her.”

“Jerk.”

**2012**

Tony isn't stupid. He has known for years that Bucky was Captain America's best friend. It just never seemed important. But now Captain America is back and Tony knows that he should tell JARVIS to stop recording their conversation, but he's also curious as fuck because he has never seen that look on Bucky's face. He's not just happy, he's... afraid.

“What happened?” Captain America, Steve, is asking and his voice sounds broken and it's a good thing Tony's not there or he would probably be making a joke and then Bucky would hit him. With the metal arm.

“Zola... he found me after I fell,” Bucky's voice is shaking and Tony has never seen him nervous, not even when Tony convinced him to let him make him a better arm. “He gave me a metal arm and then he froze me. Howard said he found a file called “Winter Soldier”. It appears Zola wanted to turn me into you, except better. He was going to take my memories. Make me nothing but a weapon.”

They're silent for some moments, with Bucky only continuing after Steve puts his hand on his shoulder.

“Howard wasn't just looking for you, he was also looking for HYDRA. He was one of SHIELD's builders, you know. Anyway, instead of HYDRA he found me. He defrosted me and took me home.”

Again, silence and Tony doesn't know how they can handle it. Tony doesn't like silences. Silences mean ghosts whispering around with him being unable to stop them.

“Are you... are you happy?” Steve asks.

“I'm... I don't know. Howard... he gave me a new life. He introduced me to Tony, who's a great kid.”

“He looks older than you.”

“Yes, but I've known him since he was four.”

Silence again.

“Are you immortal?”

“I don't think so. Howard got a mutant to check me out a few years ago. He says I'll just age much slower.”

They're silent once again and Tony finally decides to leave them alone. He doesn't know why he didn't do it in the first place. He guessed he was just curious to know why Bucky was the way he was. 

Now he finally gets it. Losing Cap-, Steve, it was like losing a part of himself. Tony is a bit sad and angry that this means that Bucky won't be around as much but at the same time he's happy his old friend will finally get to be whole.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this some years ago and found it yesterday. After cleaning it up a bit, I decided to post it. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
